1 AS A surprise, a chief exec’s wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox
position, with his secretary sitting on his lap. Without hesitation, he starts
dictating: ‘… and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I
cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.’
2 WHAT do you call five hedge fund managers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
3 WHAT’S the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a new Ferrari.
4 THE credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet.
The car’s been repossessed.
5 LATEST news: The Isle of Dogs bank has collapsed.
They’ve called in the retrievers.
6 BRADFORD & Bingley employees are concerned they were given no notice of the
takeover by Santander Bank. A Government spokesman said: ‘No one expected the
7 I TALKED to my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate
on the big issues from now on.
He sold me one outside Boots yesterday.
8 A YOUNG man asked an elderly rich man how he made his money.
‘Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last
penny, so I invested that penny in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple
and, at he end of the day, I sold that apple, for 10p. The next morning I bought two
apples and sold them for 20p. I continued this for a month by which time I’d
Then my wife’s father died leaving us Â£2 million.’
9 A MAN went to his bank manager and said: ‘I’d like to start a small business. How do I
go about it?’
‘Simple,’ said the bank manager. ‘Buy a big one and wait.’
10 WHY have estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
Because otherwise they’d have nothing to do in the afternoon.
11 Whatâ€™s the capital of Iceland?
12 HOW do you define optimism?
A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.