Happy New Year!

1  AS A surprise, a chief exec’s wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox   

    position, with his secretary sitting on his lap. Without hesitation, he starts  

    dictating:  ‘…  and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I 

    cannot continue to operate this  office with just one chair.’
 

2  WHAT do you call five hedge fund managers at the bottom of the ocean?
    A good start.
 

3  WHAT’S the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
    The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a new Ferrari.
 

4  THE credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet.
    The car’s been repossessed.
 

5  LATEST news: The Isle of Dogs bank has collapsed.
    They’ve called in the retrievers.
 

6  BRADFORD & Bingley employees are concerned they were given no notice of the 

    takeover by Santander Bank. A Government spokesman said: ‘No one expected the 

    Spanish acquisition.’
 

7  I TALKED to my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate

    on the big issues from now on.
    He sold me one outside Boots yesterday.
 

8  A YOUNG man asked an elderly rich man how he made his money.
    ‘Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last

    penny, so I invested that penny in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple

    and, at he end of the day, I sold that apple, for 10p. The next morning I bought two

    apples and sold them for 20p. I continued this for a month by which time I’d

    accumulated £1.37.’
    Then my wife’s father died leaving us £2 million.’
 

9  A MAN went to his bank manager and said: ‘I’d like to start a small business. How do I

    go about it?’
    ‘Simple,’ said the bank manager. ‘Buy a big one and wait.’
 

10  WHY have estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?

      Because otherwise they’d have nothing to do in the afternoon.
 

11  What’s the capital of Iceland?
     About
 Â£3.50.
 

12  HOW do you define optimism? 

     A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.

 

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